"What Does She Have That I Don't Have?"
This article is written for women who know without a doubt that their husband has been cheating, actively has a mistress, but still wants him back or to save the marriage. To do that, of course, you'll need to get your husband away from the other woman without seeming desperate or giving your power away.
This article will focus on the best ways to turn the tables on the mistress as well as what to do and what not to do to get your husband back. (I'm not going to discuss how your marriage can be stronger in the end if you use the affair as a wakeup call to address the problems in it. If you are reading this article, I suspect you already know that.)
Don't dwell on who the mistress is, what she looks like, or whether she's younger than you: The biggest mistake I see women make is to become absolutely obsessed with who this woman is. They want to know everything about this "other woman," right down to every tiny, endless detail.
I completely understand this. I once camped out at a dumpster behind my husband's office so I could watch any comings and goings to see if I would have a "weird feeling" about any of the women who walked by.
But, here is what I have learned over time and through a lot of counseling. The truth is, no matter how hard it is to believe right now, it doesn't matter what she looks like, who she is, or how old or young she is. It really doesn't.
There is a recent infidelity study which indicates that men who cheated said that their mistress was prettier than their wife only a paltry 12 percent of the time. Most men know their wives are prettier. Usually cheating is not about sex or the looks, age, or the attributes of the mistress.
And to be honest, if you fixate on what she looks like or who she is, the image of her is going to be much harder for you to erase from your head and your thoughts.
Don't obsess over what she has that you don't: I can't tell you how often I hear women whose husbands are or have been cheating say "What does she have that I don't have?" I said this numerous times myself. The answer will usually surprise you. The truth is, the answer is absolutely nothing.
The only difference is that, for whatever reason, at this time, she's able to elicit positive feelings within your husband about himself.
Often, an affair has everything to do about how your husband feels about himself and less about how he feels about her - or even how he feels about you. Mistresses are experts in making someone else's husband feel attractive, intelligent, and intriguing.
What you have that she doesn't (and why you have an advantage): I know that you may not believe this right now, but you actually do have something that the mistress doesn't have; two things actually.
First, you know your husband much better than she does. You know what makes him happy. You know and understand his fears and insecurities. You know what makes him tick. Second, you have a long history with him with shared memories and experiences that she can't even touch.
Also, I need to share with you that the infidelity study I mentioned earlier indicated that almost 70 percent of the cheating husband surveyed indicated that they were extremely sorry about the affair and deeply regretted it. So, the chances are very much on your side that this woman will one day soon be a long, regretted memory.
How to turn the tables on the mistress and get your husband back from her: There are two very important things I want you to understand because they will make all of the difference.
First, over time, the mistress will almost always demand more from your husband. At first, she will likely be careful to appear light hearted, fun, and will present herself in a way that indicates that there are "no strings attached," but this will not last.
No, it's highly likely that she will trip up and begin to demand more accountability from your husband. She'll start to want to know where he's been (and whether that was with you) and demand more of his time and attention. In short, she'll begin to act a lot more like a wife. This will do a lot of the work for you and will make her appear less attractive to your husband.
So what do you do when this happens? You become the alluring, open, laid back woman who he was deeply in love with once upon a time. You already know what it takes for your husband to fall in love with you. You've done it once.
Now, I know you may be thinking two things. First, I suspect you may be thinking "Yes, but we are different people now. I am no longer young and carefree." No, but as I said, this really isn't about looks or sex. It's about how he feels about himself.
How you feel about yourself is also very important. It's vital that you get out, see friends, do what makes you happy, and pursue your passions. (Make sure your husband knows about all of these things.)
You may also wonder why you are having to play these games and do all this work. I know it is unfair. There is no way to sugarcoat it, but you're doing this to level the playing field and to get what you want - your marriage and your self-respect back.
By no means am I saying that you should let your husband off the hook or not confront him about the pain the affair has caused. Not by a long shot. You absolutely need to address and fix the issues that contributed to the affair.
However, you can't do this if there is another party - or another woman - in the middle of a marriage that should only include two - you and your husband. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it.
Source: peacefmonline.
This article will focus on the best ways to turn the tables on the mistress as well as what to do and what not to do to get your husband back. (I'm not going to discuss how your marriage can be stronger in the end if you use the affair as a wakeup call to address the problems in it. If you are reading this article, I suspect you already know that.)
Don't dwell on who the mistress is, what she looks like, or whether she's younger than you: The biggest mistake I see women make is to become absolutely obsessed with who this woman is. They want to know everything about this "other woman," right down to every tiny, endless detail.
I completely understand this. I once camped out at a dumpster behind my husband's office so I could watch any comings and goings to see if I would have a "weird feeling" about any of the women who walked by.
But, here is what I have learned over time and through a lot of counseling. The truth is, no matter how hard it is to believe right now, it doesn't matter what she looks like, who she is, or how old or young she is. It really doesn't.
There is a recent infidelity study which indicates that men who cheated said that their mistress was prettier than their wife only a paltry 12 percent of the time. Most men know their wives are prettier. Usually cheating is not about sex or the looks, age, or the attributes of the mistress.
And to be honest, if you fixate on what she looks like or who she is, the image of her is going to be much harder for you to erase from your head and your thoughts.
Don't obsess over what she has that you don't: I can't tell you how often I hear women whose husbands are or have been cheating say "What does she have that I don't have?" I said this numerous times myself. The answer will usually surprise you. The truth is, the answer is absolutely nothing.
The only difference is that, for whatever reason, at this time, she's able to elicit positive feelings within your husband about himself.
Often, an affair has everything to do about how your husband feels about himself and less about how he feels about her - or even how he feels about you. Mistresses are experts in making someone else's husband feel attractive, intelligent, and intriguing.
What you have that she doesn't (and why you have an advantage): I know that you may not believe this right now, but you actually do have something that the mistress doesn't have; two things actually.
First, you know your husband much better than she does. You know what makes him happy. You know and understand his fears and insecurities. You know what makes him tick. Second, you have a long history with him with shared memories and experiences that she can't even touch.
Also, I need to share with you that the infidelity study I mentioned earlier indicated that almost 70 percent of the cheating husband surveyed indicated that they were extremely sorry about the affair and deeply regretted it. So, the chances are very much on your side that this woman will one day soon be a long, regretted memory.
How to turn the tables on the mistress and get your husband back from her: There are two very important things I want you to understand because they will make all of the difference.
First, over time, the mistress will almost always demand more from your husband. At first, she will likely be careful to appear light hearted, fun, and will present herself in a way that indicates that there are "no strings attached," but this will not last.
No, it's highly likely that she will trip up and begin to demand more accountability from your husband. She'll start to want to know where he's been (and whether that was with you) and demand more of his time and attention. In short, she'll begin to act a lot more like a wife. This will do a lot of the work for you and will make her appear less attractive to your husband.
So what do you do when this happens? You become the alluring, open, laid back woman who he was deeply in love with once upon a time. You already know what it takes for your husband to fall in love with you. You've done it once.
Now, I know you may be thinking two things. First, I suspect you may be thinking "Yes, but we are different people now. I am no longer young and carefree." No, but as I said, this really isn't about looks or sex. It's about how he feels about himself.
How you feel about yourself is also very important. It's vital that you get out, see friends, do what makes you happy, and pursue your passions. (Make sure your husband knows about all of these things.)
You may also wonder why you are having to play these games and do all this work. I know it is unfair. There is no way to sugarcoat it, but you're doing this to level the playing field and to get what you want - your marriage and your self-respect back.
By no means am I saying that you should let your husband off the hook or not confront him about the pain the affair has caused. Not by a long shot. You absolutely need to address and fix the issues that contributed to the affair.
However, you can't do this if there is another party - or another woman - in the middle of a marriage that should only include two - you and your husband. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it.
Source: peacefmonline.
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